Student Memorizes GRE Word List, Fails Anyway
THE HIGHLANDS—Despite spending over three months preparing for the GRE, an unnamed fourth-year engineering student received the devastating news that he had failed the GRE examination yesterday. The failure will force the student to get a job and not hide away in graduate school.
Experts attribute the failing mark on the test to the student's pitiful showing on the antonym section of the test. "What did you expect?" asked career counselor John Burroughs. "He's a mechanical engineer. He should be taking the TOEFL, not the GRE."
Even though Burroughs attempted to tell him that the test would not go well, the student was still surprised at his performance. "After taking a sample exam, I knew that my paltry vocabulary would have to burgeon," he said, in an unnerving state of ebullient churlishness. "Therefore I assiduously prepared by studying word lists, reading the New Yorker, and attenuating my extra-curricular activities. Perhaps this aberrant behavior is what curtailed my studying. I realized within two weeks of my rigorous study-schedule I was irascible and truculently mauled all those who tried to support me with their mindless canting. Granted, this new course of action was hardly salubrious, however my impassivity allowed me to impugn others with endless invectives of perpetuating comeliness. Not only could I win debates, however I would also annihilate others with my large vocabulary."
However, all of the memorizing proved useless, as the student must now spend the next two months desperately searching for a job. "One of the myriad of negative aspects about my study sabbatical is the fact that I must now pursue employment with alacrity. Woe, potential employers will be apoplectic, as I seem to have forgotten all the mathematical formulae I had previously ascertained."
Many non-engineering students are less than forgiving towards the student's mistake. "For man to subjugate himself to the insipid task of memorizing a word list, ostracizing himself from his coterie in the spurious attempt at becoming a etymological connoisseur is preposterous," exclaimed SNRE senior Wendel Salming. "The GRE verbal section is an amalgam of decorous vocabulary words used in everyday language. I took it with little to no preparation. Being a virtual tyro to standardized tests I threw caution into the wind and took the exam practically unprepared, and passed it with flying colors."
Taken from Student Memorizes GRE Word List, Fails Anyway
THE HIGHLANDS—Despite spending over three months preparing for the GRE, an unnamed fourth-year engineering student received the devastating news that he had failed the GRE examination yesterday. The failure will force the student to get a job and not hide away in graduate school.
Experts attribute the failing mark on the test to the student's pitiful showing on the antonym section of the test. "What did you expect?" asked career counselor John Burroughs. "He's a mechanical engineer. He should be taking the TOEFL, not the GRE."
Even though Burroughs attempted to tell him that the test would not go well, the student was still surprised at his performance. "After taking a sample exam, I knew that my paltry vocabulary would have to burgeon," he said, in an unnerving state of ebullient churlishness. "Therefore I assiduously prepared by studying word lists, reading the New Yorker, and attenuating my extra-curricular activities. Perhaps this aberrant behavior is what curtailed my studying. I realized within two weeks of my rigorous study-schedule I was irascible and truculently mauled all those who tried to support me with their mindless canting. Granted, this new course of action was hardly salubrious, however my impassivity allowed me to impugn others with endless invectives of perpetuating comeliness. Not only could I win debates, however I would also annihilate others with my large vocabulary."
However, all of the memorizing proved useless, as the student must now spend the next two months desperately searching for a job. "One of the myriad of negative aspects about my study sabbatical is the fact that I must now pursue employment with alacrity. Woe, potential employers will be apoplectic, as I seem to have forgotten all the mathematical formulae I had previously ascertained."
Many non-engineering students are less than forgiving towards the student's mistake. "For man to subjugate himself to the insipid task of memorizing a word list, ostracizing himself from his coterie in the spurious attempt at becoming a etymological connoisseur is preposterous," exclaimed SNRE senior Wendel Salming. "The GRE verbal section is an amalgam of decorous vocabulary words used in everyday language. I took it with little to no preparation. Being a virtual tyro to standardized tests I threw caution into the wind and took the exam practically unprepared, and passed it with flying colors."
Taken from Student Memorizes GRE Word List, Fails Anyway
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